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You’re left wondering what went wrong and analyzing (and reanalyzing and reanalyzing) things with your friends. While we’ll never be able to fully understand guys (and we probably wouldn’t want to), you can learn from these moments.

We found 10 women in your situation and asked experts to give their insights on what happened so you can dodge future dating disasters.

It has generally been rote and fruitless, with occasional flurries of excitement, but for someone who makes their living with words, I've had a weirdly difficult time wooing dudes with them.

Still, the day after I turned 40, I decided to fire up an old profile and see what happened.

But even before you’ve agreed to meet someone, there may be warning signs of impending dating disaster … Our best online dating advice: before you respond to that next wink or personal message, start watching out for these red flags. A Picture That’s Worth Less Than a Thousand Words It’s normal to be suspicious of people whose pictures are blurry or far away, full of other random people, or purposely vague.

If a guy’s profile is full of shots of him in sunglasses, dressed up for Halloween, or in miniature in front of the Great Wall of China, it’s hard not to suspect that he’s hiding something.

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I’ve been mulling over how to write about this without sounding bitter. For about a year, I really should have been somewhere else. Dude didn’t change his profile one bit— it’s the exact same one that captivated me back then.Dating in my twenties and thirties made me feel like Odysseus, trying to choose between dashing myself on the ego-bruising rocks of casual romps or a slow death from unrequited lust for garbage humans.There was the ex who brutally dumped me but wouldn't stop emailing me for months, whose presence at dorky work gatherings made me dizzy; the sociopathic film critic whose shoulder I virtually cried on; the go-nowhere first dates; and the great, wide swaths of time spent single, usually pining after some unavailable director or writer who'd relish my attention and nothing else. There were a few things that sent me into a panic about turning 40, but the biggest — looming larger than the golden ring of a book deal or a staff job or, like, finally going back to yoga — was what it meant for me to still be single and actively looking for a partner at that age. If you're not familiar with the exciting world of online dating, sites and apps let you set search parameters that range from location to body type to education and, yes, age range.Some practiced daters have a standard letter they send to every single person they find even mildly attractive.Someone who truly wants to get to know you will take the time to write a personalized message responding to specific items in your profile, not send a generic cut-and-paste letter saying, “Hey girl, I saw your profile and was intrigued …” Think about the hundreds of other people who’ve gotten the same letter, and decide whether you’re willing to accept only the barest minimum of effort.




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